


Intentional Baby Acquisition

by Queer_Queen



Series: Baby Driver fics [1]
Category: Baby Driver (2017)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Fluff, Gen, Kid Fic, Kidnapping, Parenthood, Swearing, but like fluffy kidnapping, lol, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-25 22:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12542572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queer_Queen/pseuds/Queer_Queen
Summary: Bats has no damn clue why this mysterious 'Doc' refuses to hire him. He usually doesn't shit where he lives, but he wants to spend more time with Miles dammit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Lil Bro](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6638371) by [nirejseki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirejseki/pseuds/nirejseki). 



> Could not take my fucking eyes off Bats in my third rewatch of the film, and am tots inspired by Nirejskei's depiction of criminals as parents.
> 
> Really hope im not too ooc. But i figure a lot of bats is crazy and a lot is acting and even he doesnt know where the line is.
> 
> The chapters arent gonna be chronological. Just warning ya'll.

In the dark of the night, with only the light of the moon to guide his hand he sets out his equipment, methodically unscrewing parts and tearing open plastic.

It isn’t a letdown, because Bats barely knows this motherfucker, it’s not like this outsider could make Bats feel anything.

With a metallic clink he pulls out a knife.

But every now and then, when this piece of shit sends out feelers for one of his little ‘miracle’ jobs, and Bats isn’t invited?

He punctuates the thought with an aggressive swipe of the knife.

He definitely feels something, that isn't completely anger. It was probably indignation. Either that or his anti-psychotic meds (cocaine, marijuana and reese’s pieces) were working. Who said this motherfucker was allowed to judge Bats? To judge Leon Jefferson the Third?

Another swipe, his thoughts leading him to skim the knife against his temporary work table.

Nobody got to judge him, not even Bats himself!

Hearing the key turn in the lock Bats grins to himself, the knife makes a sharp noise as he drops it on the counter, quickly he hides himself where the little good-for-nothing can’t see him, and waits. He waits as the door slowly creaks open, hears the shuffle of feet as they move from carpet to hardwood, and grins to himself when the lights aren’t turned on.

The figure stops when he comes to Bat’s temporary work table, shuffling with his bag, before stopping in horror as he sees what’s on the table.

The knife gleams from it’s place next to the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Swallowing, Miles turns slowly to face down his disapproving foster father. At the same time Leon flicks on the kitchen light, illuminating the scruffy 14 year old in his converse sneakers and ‘lucky’ jacket (which Bats knew for a fact he had about five of) and his fabulous Juicy Couture and bunny slipper wearing self.

(At this moment Miles gets why the other kids at school are so scared of getting grounded.)

Hands on his hips like a disgruntled housewife, Leon’s voice goes surprisingly icy, “And, why on earth is my son, who has a curfew of 11pm, showing up at 3am, especially when he had a fucking exam tomorrow, and needs to be awake and aware enough to get that B+ he promised me.”

There’s a moment of stillness, where both Leon and Miles are able to keep straight faces, before they burst into laughter. Miles’ white knuckled grip on his backpack gives way, and he goes willingly when his dad pulls him into a tight hug.

He hums happily, and then pulls back, “You’re back early … Did everything go well?” His ‘old man face’ starting up again.

Leon laughs and ruffles Miles’ hair, “Ged rid of that shitty expression kiddo, job just took less time than we expected it to.” He didn’t mention that the five-person ‘we’ had been scaled down to a ‘me and her’ after the leader nearly got the drop on them. Another reason why he was pissed he had been blacklisted by some asshole for the safest jobs in Atlanta.

They end up sitting down at the kitchen table, as Leon regales Miles with descriptions of the ‘best fucking pizza ever, kiddo, I swear to motherfucking christ’ in Miami, and photos of one of the crew who was ‘a dumb shit who decided to fight a gator and then got beaten up by a snapping turtle’ (the video of said beefy man screaming like a girl was very funny, even if the spurts of blood made him thankful for finishing his sandwich quickly), with a brief pause for Leon to pull out a record copy of Mambo Sineudo, which Miles positively gushed over and then rushed off to put in his record player.

Later, after Leon assured Miles that he’d get him a fake doctor’s note - ‘for the mumps or something I don't fucking know’ - they are sitting together on the couch, as Échale Salsita plays quietly in the background. Leon sighs, and then turns to Miles, who has become a warm little lump next to him, covered in his favourite blanket.

He combs his fingers through Miles’ hair, before tugging lightly on it, just enough to cause some pain, Miles turns his face inquisitively up to him, and Leon sighs again, with his other hand he reaches up to rub at his eyes, “Listen kiddo, I really don’t want to give you the dumb as shit ‘parental talk’ but there’s a reason white bored housewives all over the country set bedtimes. Why I kindly asked that you be home by 11pm.” Miles hums, and Leon scratches at his head again, “I get that you’re at that age where you’re starting to rebel, and since I do not give enough of a shit to stalk you or something, I will trust you with this … But I don’t want you out at night past 11pm, so … ” Here he paused, and listened as Miles sucked in a wet breath, he refused to look down at him, “So I’m gonna allow this, but you need to promise me that you are indoors at whichever girlfriend-” here Miles snorts so Leon readjusts, “-or boyfriends’-” at the second snort Leon glances down in surprise at Miles grin, “How the fuck is this not sex? I swear to fuck if this is something like dungeons and dung or some bullshit I will disown you.”

Miles giggles, and Leon pretends he that little jolt in his chest is from something he smoked, “It’s not that! Daaaaaaaaaad! I’m not some loser!”

Here Leon side eyes the sound mixing machine and drawls out an ever longer “Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure.”

Miles punches him in response.

“But anyway, as long as you are at your little nerd conventions, and stay in doors … Maybe get one of your elf masters to let you bunk on their couch … Or their bed.” He raises his eyes suggestively and Miles makes a grossed out face. “I’ll promise not to call the cops next time i come home and can’t find you.”

Miles hugs him,mumbling into his chest, “Thanks dad.”

He laughs and then cuffs him over the head, “Enough with the pissy emotions!” Then they settle down to watch the pre-scheduled 4am action movie, as they always did when Leon got back from a long far from home job. This time it was Alien vs. Predator.

He hummed with satisfaction as the two beasties fought each other, ignoring the fact that he still had no fucking clue why that son of a whore, Doc (what a dumb moniker), won’t offer him a job.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Leon met Miles

“GET ON THE GROUND! GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND OR I WILL SHOOT YOU!” The stupid ass bank tellers weren’t moving fast enough, and he only has so many bullets in his goddam gun, so Leon glanced around and grabbed the first easily moveable hostage, “GET ON THE FUCKIN GROUND OR I WILL SHOOT THIS GODDAM KID!”

And that's how Miles met Leon.

The kid gets them into the vault, and is shoved into the getaway van, along with their precious loot, and then they are hightailing it out of there. Leon got a glance or two at the kid, who is awfully quiet for a kidnap victim. Kidnapee? After all, he is just a kid … Maybe just a napee, like that state in Canada … Fucking Canada, and their weird ass states. To distract himself he cocks his gun and fires some random shots at the fuzz following them. He hears a swerve and a crash.

Idiot number one speaks, “Did you just shoot that motherfucker off the road? Without looking?”

“What the fuck did you think I did? Sing him off the road?” Leons eyes snag on his gold necklace, he thinks of his pile of gold accessories, kept in a bucket in the back of his closet. His eyes dart to idiot number two, and his lovely gold ring. If he tries hard enough he’s sure he’ll find something nice and shiny off idiot number three.

The cops seem to have been warned about their hostage, so no shots are fired back. After gaining a bit of distance they drive straight to the warehouse, not caring if they are followed. Leon grabs the kid around a skinny elbow (who had remained frozen in the back of the car, hands over his ears) and the others grab their loot and they hustle it out of the vehicle to the manhole.

“Faster you idiots!”

The kid tries to stop his stumbling run when he sees the open manhole cover (more like when he smells it, that shit is nasty), but Leon snarls, and yanks him over his shoulder, climbing down the ladder one handed. The kid freezes up before he goes limp gratifyingly quickly.

“Hurry up you motherfuckers!”

The last one closes the manhole cover and slips down into the filth with the rest of them. Leon clamps his hand over the kid’s mouth, ears strained for noises. Nothing yet.

“Okay … Okay time to move.” They didn't move, “I said move you sons of bitches.”

Flash lights come out and they moved, splashing through god knows what, Leon counting the meters and the turn offs, remembering the map he had stolen from that dumb motherfucker, “Turn here.”

The crew turns, following his signals, after maybe half an hour of running they come to another manhole. Here the crew stops, pulling off their camo jackets and switching with more normal ones that were there. He keeps a sharp hold on the kid, making sure he doesn’t move too far away when he pulls on his red hoody.

“So, what are we doing with the hostage?”

“I’ll figure something out.”

“Can we have him after you're done with him.”

He laughs, loud and uproarious, he can feel the kid shiver from under his arm, “Sure.” And then his gun comes out, and he shoots all three of them, headshot to each of the bastards. He watches with satisfaction as they fall back into the filth … Probably a delayed family reunion.

The kid yelps at the gunshots, tucking himself closer to Leon. Definitely no self preservation in that one.

“Oh calm down kid, I was gonna shoot them anyway, duh.” Here he rolls his eyes, and puts his piece away.

The kid stays quiet, and Leon glances down when he feels fingers against his side. The stupid kid had his little hands curled into his hoody, he stares at them in confusion.

“Scram.”

The kid doesn’t move.

Leon lifts his gun and rests it against the kid’s shoulder, and the kid … tightens his grip. He groans and stares at the disgusting moldy ceiling, “Why do I have the bad luck of choosing the crazy hostages?”

This time he shoves his piece under the kid’s chin, making him look up at him, “You want to stay with me, or something?”

(Leon will later learn that the kid is not obstinate, just deaf. This is the first goddam sentence he understands. Just his fucking luck, he remembers fondly.)

The kid nods.

What the fuck.

Honestly this is probably just a hallucination from bad X, “If you’re gonna be like that then help me with the loot.” And he turns away to loot the corpses. Idiot number one’s necklace is very shiny, and idiot number two’s nice ring is shoved so tightly on that it’d be easier to just cut the damn finger off … deciding that that wasn't actually a bad idea he turns back to the manhole, only to find the hallucin-kid still there.

With two huge bags of loot over each tiny shoulder.

Cute.

Also clearly not a hallucination.

The kid is looking at him with his tiny little forehead crinkled, Bats doesn't even try to stop himself as he steps forward and smooths down his wrinkles (the kid doesn’t flinch back, “If ya keep frowning like that you’ll be able to pass as a midget old man … An old midget man.” He laughs.

“Okaaaaayy then, time to leave this lil’ hell hole.”

…

Miles stays in the ugly grey car as the man goes back down into the hole for the loot, before taking out something shiny and going back down again.

Miles ignores his red palms as the man buckles him into the car.

And then settles back in his seat as the man starts the engine and plays something with a beat that shook the car.

Later, when the red and blue lights appear, and the cop pulls them over, before the man can do anything, Miles loudly asks, “Dad can we go get some ice cream?”

Through the rearview window he sees the man say, “Sure kid.” And then when he speaks to the officer, “I’m his foster dad.” The officer nods and lets them on their way.

The man stares at Miles as they pull away from the traffic stop, before rolling his eyes. Miles is pleasantly surprised when they pull into Baskin n Robbins and the man tells him to order whatever he wants.

…

“Foster dad huh?” Leon rolls the idea over in his mind. The kid is sleeping in his single bed, after taking a hot shower while Leon went out for kiddy-sized clothes. All in red, of course.

He pictures himself, waking up in the morning, after sleeping on the couch, and then heating up some leftover pizza, giving it to the kid with his goddam doe eyes, who will stare at him like he’s some kind of messiah.

He pictures himself casing out joints with the kid at his side, smiling and taking photos like some dumb ass white mom, maybe even teaching the kid to pick pockets so he can bring in some white mom income. Steal engagement rings or some shit.

He pictures … surprises, a future that he can’t predict, a sudden, weird variable that will make his rise from petty crimes to career criminal different, changeable, with no sudden death by the fuzz at the end of it.

The loss of predictability …

He liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The news about kevin spacey makes me so fucking pissed. I swear to god. Fuck. 
> 
> So i wrote something vaguely fluffy. Kinda.


End file.
